28 April, 2014

Toothe Ache.

Depression can be such a taboo word within the church, and yet, it proliferates.

C.S. Lewis said:
"Mental pain is less dramatic than physical pain, but it is more common and also more hard to bear. The frequent attempt to conceal mental pain increases the burden: it is easier to say “My tooth is aching” than to say “My heart is broken.”"
How true is this?

Let's play this out from point of view of the one with the aching heart:

When Thaddeus (ha) walks by me and says, "Hey, how are you?" as he keeps walking, I recognize that this is simply his way of greeting me, rather than desiring a genuine response.

But, if Thaddeus stops and says, "Hey, how are you?" and waits for a response, at that point I am quickly evaluating our relationship and whether or not he desires [or can even handle] an honest response. Most often, my response is a quick, "I'm fine, how are you?"

And occasionally, Thaddeus may respond with, "Fine? Just fine? What's going on?" At this point there are sirens going off in my head, screaming "Can you be honest?! Surely you can't be honest...he wouldn't understand. You know you'll just get the 'pat Christian answer' that makes you want to punch him in the face..." so, at that point I simply respond with, "It's a rough season...but, it's fine. <insert tired smile> How are you?"

And truth be told, I'm really good at [bad at] down-playing things in my life.
I tend to gloss over so much, and am never really honest.
Not because I like to lie, but because I grew up learning that things should always look better than they really are.

[...]

And so truth be told, it's not fine.
Presently, nothing feels fine.

I mean, truthfully, at this point in this season, the only thing I know - and need to be reminded of, if I'm honest - is the fact that I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that Christ Jesus is my firm foundation.

That He is my Strong Tower.

I mean, when the rest of my foundation [from childhood up] and the world around me is crumbling, it simply gives way to show me the steely assurance of my faith [or lack thereof] in Christ.

Because truly, if I don't have Christ, what have I?
If my foundation isn't found in Him ... what would I have to hold onto?

When my world spins out of control, I will run into the Strong Tower, even if it's all I can do.


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