28 November, 2011

The begining of the end.

Tonight, I spent time with the Lord for the first time in a while a long time.
I turned on worship music, and began to journal/talk to the Lord.........................and promptly began to weep in repentance as I had revelation on what I have been doing, and who I have become [temporarily].

The crux of it is that have I allowed circumstances in my life to dictate whether or not I was going to trust the Lord.

Did you get that?
Whether or [not] I was going to TRUST the LORD.

This past weekend at church, Pastor Mark spoke about worry.
((Which, by the way, just so happens to be one of my many middle names. Worry, unfaithful, irrational, emotional.....etcetera, etcetera.))
As he began speaking, Pastor Mark shared Proverbs 12: 25 which says,
"An anxious heart weighs a man down...."

And I thought 'My, my....how appropriate', just about the same time I felt Kristin's elbow in my side.

The last six months of my life have been beyond difficult, and really - a lot of it has been self-induced.
My job has I have allowed my job and the insanity that ensues there to affect my heart and mind in ways that I should not have. Had I simply been taking it to the Lord, and spending time with Him - things would not have gotten out of hand. But, alas, I allowed it to drive me away from the Lord, and to other Lovers. Unwise decision, after unwise decision drove me to frustration and the depths of the valley of despair. At the [loving and wise] counsel of a few sweet friends, I began to pursue the avenue of counseling. I have since gone twice, and both times walked away with a Voice resounding in the back of my mind, 'Tara, you know what to do, and you have the tools. Seek MY face, trust ME, and I will work all things out'.

So I have chosen not to go back to counseling, but to pursue the Lord like I did at Teen Mania. Which begs the question 'why did you ever slow down?'.

Who knows?
Well, He knows, even though I am not quite certain....
But, I shall digress.

He led me to the following scripure tonight.

I have chosen to make bold, underline, and italicise the portions that stuck out to me or kind of kicked me in the heart tonight. I shall end with this, and allow the Word to speak for itself.


1 Peter 2 

1 So put away all malice and all deceit and hypocrisy and envy and all slander. 2 Like newborn infants, long for the pure spiritual milk, that by it you may grow up into salvation— 3if indeed you have tasted that the Lord is good.
 4As you come to him, a living stone rejected by men but in the sight of God chosen and precious, 5 you yourselves like living stones are being built up as a spiritual house, to be a holy priesthood, to offer spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ. 6For it stands in Scripture:

    "Behold, I am laying in Zion a stone,
   a cornerstone chosen and precious,
and whoever believes in him will not be put to shame."
 7So the honor is for you who believe, but for those who do not believe,

   "The stone that the builders rejected
   has become the cornerstone,"[a]

    "A stone of stumbling,
   and a rock of offense."
   They stumble because they disobey the word, as they were destined to do.
 9But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light. 10 Once you were not a people, but now you are God’s people; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy.
 11Beloved, I urge you as sojourners and exiles to abstain from the passions of the flesh, which wage war against your soul. 12 Keep your conduct among the Gentiles honorable, so that when they speak against you as evildoers, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day of visitation.
Submission to Authority
 13 Be subject for the Lord’s sake to every human institution,[b] whether it be to the emperor[c] as supreme, 14or to governors as sent by him to punish those who do evil and to praise those who do good. 15For this is the will of God, that by doing good you should put to silence the ignorance of foolish people. 16 Live as people who are free, not using your freedom as a cover-up for evil, but living as servants[d] of God. 17 Honor everyone. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honor the emperor.
 18 Servants, be subject to your masters with all respect, not only to the good and gentle but also to the unjust. 19For this is a gracious thing, when, mindful of God, one endures sorrows while suffering unjustly. 20For what credit is it if, when you sin and are beaten for it, you endure? But if when you do good and suffer for it you endure, this is a gracious thing in the sight of God. 21For to this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, so that you might follow in his steps. 22 He committed no sin, neither was deceit found in his mouth. 23 When he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly. 24 He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, that we might die to sin and live to righteousness. By his wounds you have been healed. 25For you were straying like sheep, but have now returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls.